Hidden beneath the bed
Was where the map of my world
Was in keeping until
Six o’clock every morning-
I would watch the hands of the clock creep forward
Tick, tick , ticking –
Each number on it’s face would jump out at me
Then retreat,
Then the tick, tick, ticking would blend
With little small voices from
All my young but wise friends from
Some outer realm, inexplicably delightful,
Humming and singing,
All within a circle,
Women young at heart, soul, mind, spirit and age,
We all held hands as we danced
Like wild Indians in an open field
Where high reeds grew and
Pools and pools of cyan blue
Waters swirled around,
Each and every bamboo tree, at
The foot of marbled mountains,
Purple beneath a magenta sky,
A sun, orange and yellow,
I can hear the voices now of these
Strangers in the morning, hours
These strange naiads from other worlds,
I call them,
We all worshipped the same Goddess
Every night in an attic room,
Patchouli scented candles,
Deep rose in hue would burn,
Voices from heaven above, or
From hell below,
Exclusive to our dance of life and death
All night we would worship our queen of this

World created by my inner core-

I did not remember when or how
It all happened,
One two three six o’clock
I can’t take- A-N-OT-H-E-R like an acid trip
Or mescaline I have never been on only
Thorazine doped me up,
Or Mellaril didn’t work either beca-use
I saw the shadows on the wall,
Were the demons that torment-
DID you ever look how I wanted those bathrooms'
Walls to appear I-F I were T-O H-A-V-E my way!?
There would have been a bloodbath in there,
Written all over the wall
I would have killed Amelia dead, dead,
Drowned her and chopped her up
And hung her upside down on the towel rack-
I hated her brother Thomas as well,
All I wish for now is to crawl beneath the bed-
Live in my world, my world, and my safe place
To be protected by my goddess, and open my suitcase,
Pandora’s box, and take out the directions to my lifeline
Paper my walls with them-
Stories of chestnuts, and rocks
And crazy saints running around,
And land on the brain,
One two four cookies,
You don’t get any- HA!!
Last night daddy said I saw a large butterfly in the street
When I ran away-
I think I will commit suicide tonight,

And awaken at six o’clock am and

Count my blessings-
Kyt, Enid, and Kely are
My loves as always,

In whom I place my trust-

Somewhere up in the sky is where
I FEEL SAFE!!!
DOWN HERE in reality- so called?!
The good doctor whom I see twice a week
Reached out to shake my hand and I backed away,
Went home and cut a hole in my arm-
She stuck me in a filthy unit and
Looked at both arms and asked about the voices
All I can say now is that
I FEEL UNSAFE?!

Claudia Krizay (schizoclaud)