Daddy Expected


Daddy expected.
I feared his hands- small and almost beautiful to look at,
But strong and vicious, with
Knuckles if steel.
His hands were everywhere,
The sting of them slapping me on the back of my legs, or as
An insult to my dignity, across my face.
Everywhere my eyes were cast,
They met with his hands,
Green in my dreams as the hands of a monster, or bright red in my wakefulness,
Such an angry color.
He played mind games with me, frightening me until
My throat would become raw from screaming.
I hid under the dining room chair to escape his animal-like fury,
Where he had chased me with a leather strop in his hand-
His loud laughter overshadowed my screaming-
Daddy had tricked me-
One of his mind games; one could write a symphony about them.
One day somebody would find blood spattered upon the floor,
From where he had brutally wounded me me, or have been the cause of my suicide.
Mother and Daddy died years ago,
But I still hear mother sobbing, for
Daddy left her alone with her mentally sick child, who cannot
Work or enjoy life, because
Daddy had hurt her so badly?
Much was inborn, I know, but
I still hear mother weeping.
She had been left all alone in the world without her cruel husband who
Emotionally destroyed her, and her crazy mixed up daughter
Who might as well be dead?
Daddy expected;
I feared more than his hands.
His sprit still haunts me, wherever he may be now,
That red handed monster that murdered my soul.
We remain a lifeless family with
Nowhere to run to,
Nowhere to hide, and with
Not a tear left to cry-
Daddy expected me to make it big in this world, but
What he did was emotionally fatal, and
Everywhere I look,
I can still see his hands,
Red and angry or green and monstrous.

I hear mother screaming, all alone in this world,
Having cried away all her tears.
Blood and tears are in a mass on the floor.
Daddy played mind games with mother and I both, but
Sad it is to say,
We were all losers in every game that he played, for
No one can win in a game played unfairly….

Claudia Krizay (schizoclaud)